SMALL TOWN GOSSIP DEFENSE

   I’ve always lived in small communities. Even in large cities like San Francisco or New York, I gravitated towards insular neighborhoods like the Mission or East Village. Within these “villages” multiple scenes can develop and thrive. It’s actually more expansive in the country. Hamlets that have little more than a post office for a main street, no longer function as the meeting place for the surrounding community. Here our community is spread out across the county, tied together with group email chains, text messages and phone calls. Even the church—which only meets two or three times a year—surrenders its “hub” function to the tentacles of modern communication. Cocktails Thursday? I’m down.

    Ever since humans sought shelter together in caves there has been gossip. It probably predated art. “God her farts are stinky……don’t tell her I said that. I think she’s sexy.” Our little eastern Catskill community is no different. People talk behind your back, and it’s not always pleasant. Because I talk (and write) so much in public I don’t feel too much of a need to gossip. I can get it out of my system on the internet.

Here’s a recent bit of gossip:

“What was she saying?”

“Who knows. She thinks your rude, shocking revelation. I pointed out to my mom that she’s crazy. Will take it up again soon.”

    I won’t tell you who is responding. It was me asking the question. The subject was hunting permission. You figure it out. Here’s why I like email. I have never met the person in question; the one who thinks I’m “rude.” But I have had 3 or 4 email exchanges with her. I checked my history and reread everything I had written. I know I can be direct, sometimes abrupt, and even rude, but it’s always purposeful. I pride myself in a well crafted, snide, biting, sarcastically rude email. My memory of my interaction with this woman was that I was polite, respectful and cordial. I was correct. There wasn’t a hint of rudeness. I was asking for hunting permission for Christ’s sake. Why would I be rude?

    It’s not shocking that the “mom” thinks I was rude in conversations she has no knowledge of. She and I have our difficulties communicating. It’s an ongoing tango. What is surprising is that the daughter was more than ready to accept the fact that I was “rude.” This is the danger of gossip. My whole world hangs on my reputation. Sure I can be an asshole. Yet, when I am I like to think I can own it. I own less than an acre of land. In order to hunt I have to navigate land owner permission with a variety of eccentric personalities. It’s not always easy or pleasant, but there’s no getting around it. Even writing about this, I’m running the risk of making it worse. But my wiring does not allow for me to swallow. My extreme gag reflex kicks in. So I emailed the woman in question. Here's her response:    

  “Thank you for reaching out again. That should teach me to never say anything to anyone. You and I didn’t get off on a good foot, but now I hope we can just be respectful neighbors.”

Not exactly an apology, but at least the recognition that her gossiping did not go unnoticed. I have little respect for such people. I can say this honestly as I’ll never set foot on her property again. For the rest of the participants in this little kvetching klatch, I respectfully request you think before you cast dispersions on my good name. It’s all in black and white.