JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

     I was sitting at my brother’s kitchen table with my great niece and somehow mentioned—by name—Jesus Christ.  My great niece looked at me in shock and admonished me for cursing at the dinner table. I asked her what I had said. With furrowed brow she told me, “You said a bad word.” Now, there are plenty of times I take the Lord’s name in vain and cuss, “Jesus Christ.”  But this wasn’t one of them. I was literally talking about the New Testament Jesus of Nazareth. Context is important.

    Upon further inquiry I realized that this little girl had no other point of reference towards J.C. other than his name’s usefulness when one stubs a toe or can’t get a jar open. (I didn’t get into my own nickname of Osti being a curse. Some conversations can wait.) It fascinated me that many kids these days only know Jesus Christ as a common swear word; not the son of God. I think in many ways that’s a good thing. Children aren’t unnecessarily burdened by theological dogma in secular education. If they don’t go to church how would they know? And here again the word “church” can be confusing; especially in this neighborhood.

   One of my favorite stories about children of the congregation is of two neighborhood kids attending their grandmother’s funeral. They had spent hours among adults and other children crying and mourning the passing of a loved one; not an easy experience for anyone. As the day dragged on they were tired, confused and basically worn out. Then their father told them to get ready, they were going to church. Both kids perked up, big smiles plastered across their cherubic faces. “CHURCH! Yea!” Their poor father, ripped apart at the passing of his mom, had to patiently explain that it wasn’t that kind of church. Their only experience of church going, until then, had been attending The Church of the Little Green Man. Where’s the piñata? What kind of lousy church is this? Bummer.

   These days the kids in question are overloaded with theology. They attend after school Hebrew sessions during the week and go to “real” Christian church on Sunday. I think this is great. You can’t have too much information. The problem arises when the grandparents (of opposing theologies) want the kids to pick a team. This is a microcosm of an issue that faces major belief systems in general; the idea that a person is required to choose one “God” over another. Learning often contradictory theopathies can lead to confusion, but also curiosity.  I feel this is positive and ultimately helpful to any child’s development. Why not learn about, or even adhere to, as many beliefs as possible? Comparative religious studies among the very young seems like a good idea.

   Go to shul. Go to church. Go to mosque, temple, the ashram or shrine, or just go sit in the woods. The illusion of the Godhead can be found everywhere. The funny thing is, even after attending Christian church, the neighborhood kids felt the same way as my great niece. When they got back from services they couldn’t wait to tell their parents how much fun they had with all the religious people cussing in church. “They say Jesus Christ all the time.” they giggled. Ha! Jesus loves you, this I know……cause the Koran, Torah, and Bhagavad Gita (not in so many words) tells me so.

P.S.

Minutes after writing this blog post an image of a blond, hippie looking, clickbait Jesus magically appeared on my CNN newsfeed. Under his groovy image it stated: “Historical misconceptions we all believed.” Amen.