I admit it. I talk to my cat. “Wow Cheeky. What a beautiful day! Like one of those 9/11 days.” Cheeky doesn’t get the reference or change his expression. If he starts responding verbally I know I’m in trouble. I’ve always been extremely susceptible to praise and instant gratification. If Cheeky starts to talk— HE’LL BE ABLE TO CONTROL ME— even more than he already does.
We are hard wired just like a dog or cat. Pavlov and Skinner realized it, as did Jeff Besos and Mark Zuckerberg. The Like option and the next day shipping option are the most ingenious and nefarious “inventions” of the 21st Century….so far. I use quotes because neither is really new nor inventive. Both tap into psychology as old as the human race. It’s only the application and speed which are revolutionary. It goes right to our need to please and be satisfied.
The roar of the crowd is a powerful, intoxicating motivator. The lack thereof, can also be extremely discouraging. The danger of finding oneself susceptible to this drug of acceptance is self-evident in many politicians, celebs and rock stars. That’s why, famous and rich as they are, they all also have Instagram accounts, just like us mortals. These days this addiction manifests itself most clearly on the everyday, mundane level of social media. Kids are the most vulnerable. My sister-in-law Becky Dennison works with high school kids in Maine in a specialized outreach program for students who are “too anxious” for the traditional classroom. I asked her what would make these otherwise well adjusted country students so anxious in the sticks of Maine? “Their phones.” was her answer. I asked why their parents just didn’t take their phones away? She looked at me like I’d dropped in from outer space.
I don’t have a cell phone. It’s for good reason. I know that if I allowed myself the luxury of buying that iPhone I would become hopeless addicted to it in a matter of hours and never be able to do without one…… for the rest of my life. It’s like using Propecia for hair loss or eye drops for glaucoma. Once you start you are committed to seeing it through. If you ever stop you will definitely go bald and blind. One whiff of cell signal and you are hooked. It is a life sentence. I’ve managed without one. I post on Instagram and Twitter, write a blog, and stay in touch with friends through email—all from my laptop. Facebook won’t let me on without a cell number, but I’d already soured on that, so no big deal. The point is, I’m far from isolated. I can’t text but I don’t feel the need to. It’s looks awkward and my thumbs are too big. If I want to contact someone I call or email. If I have to make a doctor’s appointment I drag out my novelty push button phone from the closet and “press one.” I still have a beautifully indestructible, black, bakelite, rotary phone on the coffee table. I can’t imagine that I’m missing much. But, when it comes to social media, I’m just as anxious as a Maine teenager.
I am very conscious of my social media account and the number of likes I get or don’t get. I hate myself for this character flaw. I’m 67 years old fer Christ sake! Why the hell am I so needy of approval? I should be over it. Or is it just human pathology or metabolism—like being skinny? Is it out of my control? I’m pretty comfortable in my own skin, but a lack of “likes” will PREDICTABLY get to me. It sends me down a rabbit hole of self-doubt, forcing me to quickly come up with a cute photo of Cheeky to post, canceling out the questionable “unliked” post in cyberspace. Likes galore! Phew. I’m (or Cheeky) is still relevant. We are a team.
What defense does some lonely pimply-faced thirteen year old, without a pet, have in this insta-universe when the blow back is silence or worse—bullying? I don’t want to take the kids’ cell phones away anymore than I want to confiscate their parents’ AR-15s. Those phones (and guns) are expensive. Plus taking their phones away frees up more time at the range with mom’s AR. Instead, we should arm children with the tools to deal with their phones and subsequent anxiety they produce. These aren’t just benign communication devices. They bring the world to you; whether you want it or not. It ain’t all rainbows and unicorns. The world can be a very fucked-up place. Trained self-confidence and artificially inflated egos in the face of the social media mob mentality are the only way that kids will be able survive. We have to teach them to FAKE it. Get them a pet, let them grow claws. We are in the infancy of an era that will produce VR robotic applications to devices and social media platforms that we can’t even imagine. They will MAKE YOU FEEL MORE—more joy, more love, more fear and more rejection. There’s no stopping it or taking it away from children. We should give the youth weapons and skills to deal with viral rejection in real time, minute by minute, hour after hour, day after day…..for the rest of their lives. Store up those cute cat photos. Your kids may need them more than you ever imagined.
No comments:
Post a Comment